"Babies are such a nice way to start people." ~ Don Herrold
The first three months of an infant's life are all about learning to feel comfortable, safe, and secure in the world. By responding to their signals and providing lots of love and comfort, we help them form trusting bonds with the people who surround them. How are you helping your baby learn to feel safe and secure?
A Baby's Point of View:
I am getting to know you and the other people who love and care for me.
• I can recognize your faces, voices, and smells.
• I respond to your smile and touch with pleasure.
What You Can Do:
•Talk and sing to your baby. This makes him feel loved and helps him bond with you.
•Hold your baby! Enjoy some skin-to-skin cuddle time with your little one, practice babywearing, share in daily activities (such as bath time). Allow your baby to be part of the everyday rhythm of life.
•Make eye contact with your baby.
•Touch is magic! Infant massage is a wonderful bonding tool for you and your infant.
A Baby's Point of View:
I am learning how to “tell” you what I need.
• I can use my sounds, facial expressions, and body movements to tell you how I’m feeling—
sleepy, hungry, happy, or uncomfortable.
• I can show you when I want to play and when I need a break.
What You Can Do:
•Watch your baby to learn her signals.
•Babies can "speak" to us in a variety of different ways. Does she have different cries when she is hungry, tired, overwhelmed, etc? Does she rub her eyes or look away from you when she is tired?
•Understand that an infant's emotions are fleeting! What a gift they have to live in the present moment and change their feelings. Pleasant distractions such as songs, toys and laughing can buy you time to gather diaper supplies or set up your nursing station. Don't panic when your baby cries. The more you stay calm and present, the more your baby will trust that her needs will be met.
•Respond to your baby’s signals. When her eyes are bright and she is awake and alert, it is time to play. Follow your baby's cues throughout the day, instead of trying to force her to meet a grown-up schedule (she just doesn't understand!). Relax and enjoy this time of spontaneous interactions and unstructured living. I promise you it will not last forever!
•Slow things down when she cries, turns away, or arches her back. Dim lights, soft music, hushing, rocking and other movements can help create a soothing atmosphere.
A Baby's Point of View:
I am beginning to use my body to make things happen.
• I can grip your finger or a toy you put in my hand.
• When I am hungry, I might move my head toward my mother’s breast while rooting and sucking.
What You Can Do:
•Give your baby something to reach for and hold onto—a finger or toy. Let him touch objects with different textures and shapes.
•Go for walks throughout the house and point out different objects and views to your infant. Look out the window together, touch soft pillows and other objects, admire colorful artwork. Help your baby understand her home as her safe environment full of wonder and surprises!
•Hold a toy within your child’s reach so he can swat it with his hands or feet.
•Watch to see how your baby is “discovering” his body. Does he look at his hands, suck on his feet, or try to roll?
A Baby's Point of View:
We are becoming closer and closer every day.
• I am learning to trust that you will read and respond to my signals and help me grow in the world.
• I rely on you to comfort me, care for me and keep me safe. This helps me learn to comfort myself.
What You Can Do:
•Comfort your baby whenever she cries!
•You CAN NOT spoil a baby. Soothing actions makes her feel safe, secure, and loved. Even as adults, we appreciate love and affection when we feel ungrounded. Just as a hug from a trusted friend can mean the world to us in our times of need, so it is true for infants as well. Babies need constant touch, comfort and love. There is no other way around it.
•You can help your baby begin to calm herself by guiding her fingers to her mouth, giving her a pacifier, or offering her a blanket or soft object that is special to her.
•Sometimes no matter how we try to sooth our baby, they may remain inconsolable. This may be an emotional release and it is important for her to know that you are still there with her. Keep a calming and constant presence.
SPOTLIGHT: Crying Like a Baby
"It is such a secret place, the land of tears." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
• Crying, as hard as it is to hear, is a normal way babies communicate hunger, discomfort, distress, or a need for your attention. Crying also serves other important needs such as tension relief and growth.
• Most newborns cry for an average of three hours per day and reach a crying peak at about 6 weeks. Then their crying starts to decrease. By 3 months they typically cry for about an hour a day.
• Being with a crying baby who is hard to soothe can be exhausting, stressful, and frustrating. But keep in mind that just by being there— holding and comforting your baby—you are teaching him that he is not alone and that you will stick by him through thick and thin.
•Babies cry because they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable or irritated. If you have tried all the obvious comfort measures (feeding, diaper change, etc), check to make sure your infant is not too hot/too cold, pinched (in a strap from carseat, etc), stressed or overstimulated, lonely or bored. Babies will also pick up on tension and friction within a household. Although this can be a stressful time for the whole family, it is important to keep an atmosphere of calm. This will benefit everyone, not just baby!
• While all babies cry, some babies cry much more than others. This is known as colic and it’s defined as crying that:
begins and ends for no obvious reason
lasts at least 3 hours a day
happens at least 3 days a week
continues for 3 weeks to 3 months
What You Can Do:
•Talk with your health care provider. Excessive crying may have a medical cause—a food sensitivity, heartburn, or other physical condition.
•Holding your baby more! Some babies cry less when they are held more. Invest in a good baby carrier (or several). Allow your baby to be part of the normal rhythm of household life.
•Wrap your baby snugly in a blanket—called “swaddling”—and rock her gently. Practice different swaddle techniques and styles and find what works best for you and your baby.
•Use soothing sounds. Talk or sing softly to your baby. Try running a fan or humidifier in your baby’s room. Sometimes babies are soothed by this background noise.
•Reduce stimulation—lights, sights, sounds, and textures— for your baby. Sometimes less stimulation leads to less crying for babies with colic.
• Remember your baby is an individual person with her own needs and wants. Listen to your baby's cues and respond accordingly. Don't try to make her be what you want her to be, and don't expect this baby to be the same as older children. Baby care is a fine art and all babies are different!
•Reach out for support. Hire a postpartum doula or baby nurse! They are experts in baby care and can help you navigate this precious, yet overwhelming time. Extended families and friends may be able to step in to give you a needed break as well. Everyone needs support, and nobody needs it more than the parents of a crying baby. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
•Stay calm. When you’re calm, it helps your baby calm down. If you find yourself feeling frustrated, put your baby on his back in a safe place—like the crib—and take a short break. Crying won’t hurt your baby, and taking a break will let you soothe another very important person…you!
•Don’t give up. Soothing your baby is a trial-and-error process. If one strategy doesn’t work, try another. If all else fails, take a drive in the car.
•Hang in there, and remember that the crying will get better. This time will not last forever.
What are some things you can do to soothe yourself after a tough day?
•Remember to take care of yourself! Did you know babies whose mothers reported high stress cried and fussed more than babies whose mothers reported little stress?•Even very young babies pick up on how their loved ones are feeling. When you are calm and relaxed, your baby is more likely to feel calm.
•When you are feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, your baby is more likely to feel tense. So in order to take good care of your baby, it’s really important that you take good care of yourself.
•Ask your doula, trusted friends and family members for help when you need a break!
•Make time to do things that make you feel good. Just taking the time to bathe, brush your teeth and change your clothes can give you a whole new perspective on the day! Remember to eat healthy foods and stay hydrated. Take a walk with your baby and visit with friends.
•Be sure to talk to a trusted health care provider if you are feeling down,depressed, or overwhelmed.
