HAH Birth Story: Welcoming the Water Nymph

I think that everyone has a certain moment in time that is the destiny they have waited their lives to reach. For some, it's an Olympic dream, a goal, a particular destination - some tangible event that they have set their sights on and they work diligently to attain. Although I did not know it in advance, birthing my girl was that moment for me.

My entire life I knew that mothering would be my primary purpose. As a young girl I would stuff pillows under my shirt, bemoaning the burdens of pregnancy. As a teenager, I wore handmade maternity clothes and I could feel that beautiful, yet still elusive, round belly that I carried with my heart. When my friends hung images of rock idols Like Curt Cobain and Bono in their lockers, I had a cut out from a natural health magazine of a lovely goddess pregnant woman, adorn in flowing silk in a field of wildflowers. I waited patiently through my formative years for the day I too would carry a life inside my body.

My first two pregnancies were indeed planted by fate, but still I was waiting. Waiting unknowingly and still wandering patiently. My logical mind warned me that my family was complete. Babies cost money and time and energy. I was sure another child would overdraft me on all accounts. So when I realized I was pregnant with my third child, my heart skipped a beat. It didn't quite sink, but simply fluttered about with doubt and disbelief. How could I possibly create and care for yet another person? My husband threw up the moment he found out and although he did not know it, and probably didn't even mean it, his confidence and conviction that followed gave me strength to be courageous.

My pregnancy was taxing to say the least. Not physically, as I seem to be given a gift to carry my babies with the grace of the mother goddess herself. But emotionally I carried a burden that I was certain would crush my child and I together until there was nothing left but a few glowing embers and 2 forgotten souls. Still, everyday I woke up and every day that life inside of me prompted me to just keep going. Just keep moving forward, just keep breathing, just keep walking, and I promise you mama, we'll make it together. And I listened. Silent and sullen, still I carried on.

The "holiday season" which for us begins in September, approached and tasks of celebration occupied my mind. Pregnant and tired to my core I had to continue providing jubilant comforts to my two boys. I inhaled and breathed out birthday wishes. I threw together Halloween costumes, I roasted the turkey, I gave to the poor, I tended to family … and everyday I thanked God for the inspiration inside of me. Christmas grew closer and so did my due date. Although technically I was not "due" until January, everything told me to be ready as the year came to its close. My boys were born early and this baby would be as well. People warned me not to get my hopes up - I could go overdue. I sheepishly replied that I would be happy to get to the New Year. Inside I begged my baby to wait until after Santa came.

Around the solstice I felt my body getting ready. Contractions would interrupt my day and I would frantically wrap presents between them. Irrational I know, but I did not want my boys first memories of their sibling to be the one where he/she stole the glory of childhood Christmas magic. And it wasn't. We celebrated that holy Sunday with the usual extravagance as the typical bombardment of retail splendor was rained upon them. Not by me or Kris Kringle, of course - the kids know we are both far too frugal to engage in that insanity. But so are the woes of two small boys cursed with the fate of being the FIRST. The first children, the first grandchildren, the first nephews … the first and most important all around. Yes, Christmas past and I spent the next few days wading through the aftermath and cursing myself for my delay. Now how in the world would I ever get the house back in order enough to give birth?!

But each day passed and each contraction prompted me slowly to fluff up the fillers in my nest. My bathroom was, for all intents and purposes, immaculate! A simple victory in the grand scheme of things, but important none the less.

Wednesday night was my husband's last show of the season and a milestone we needed to surpass. So on that evening when the contractions started piling on top of one another, I sat back and drank a few sips of wine. When I tried to reach him on his cell phone but couldn't, I firmly told this baby to wait a little longer. Many things I may have thought of that man over the years, but in my heart I knew that birthing without him was simply not an option.  I went to bed and woke with the sun a little bit surprised that the baby listened.

Thursday morning I traveled to Kate's for what would be my last prenatal visit. I told her and Merle of all the activity and although excited and reassuring, they were slightly preoccupied. Another mom was in labor and so they already had an impending birth that day. Wait baby wait, just a little while longer. Such a good baby I had because it did listen. The day carried on without much excitement. I did some chores, checked and double checked my birth supplies, and I took an unusually long nap.

Around dinner time I started to feel some activity and haphazardly timed the contractions as I had for so many weeks before. 12 minutes … 10 minutes … 18 minutes … no big deal. So I continued with my obligations. I cooked, I did some laundry, I milled about. My husband stopped in to eat and I told him what was happening. He looked at me sideways with a half smile and asked "Is this it?" "It could be" I replied and continued with my business. The contractions had basically subsided and I assured him that it would be fine for him to continue the rest of the lessons he had scheduled for the evening.

I had one last project on my list of "things to do before baby comes". My friend Kristie in California had commissioned me to design a bag with the most wonderful Frida Khalo fabric. While he was gone I lovingly stitched the last seams and tied on the perfect beads for the zipper pull. At that, he walked in the door proclaiming his lessons cancelled (in fact he cancelled because he did not want to be away from me). I sat back, relaxed and proclaimed to myself, "I'm done. I finished everything. I can have a baby now."

Almost momentarily the contractions came back with more regularity. They did not hurt, not in the least, but they were building for certain. They skipped closer together with long breaks in between. I decided to call the midwives to give them a heads up. It was around 8:30 when I spoke to Merle. They were finishing up the birth of a baby boy and assured me they were ready if I needed them.

I decided to sit back in a bath and collect myself for the night ahead. I was relaxed and excited. The baby danced quietly in my belly and I relished that these would probably be the last moments we would have alone, together as one. My oldest son came home from an evening of ice skating with his uncle and was beaming from the possibilities. He didn't want to go to bed for fear that he might miss the birth. Dad assured him that we would wake him when the time came and tucked him in.

My indifference to the world at that time should have been a sure sign of things to come, but I was still caught up in the fact that this had gone on for weeks and could continue for some time to come. I got out of the tub and instead of reaching for a glorified patchwork dress that I painstakingly created (as I had envisioned myself birthing in), I pulled on a simple faded maternity dress that was comfortable and familiar. My husband buzzed about, asking me if I wanted him to steam clean the rugs and other such things. None of that really mattered anymore though. I had everything I needed. I was safe and warm and was ready for whatever the universe had to give me.

I called Tyler and assured her that things were slow and surely I would make it until morning when she got off of work. I was happy and patient. Kate called to check in around 11. They were home and ready to jump when I said go. I told her that although I was still having contractions, they were peaceful and I was going to sleep for a while. I crawled into bed and sunk into the comfort of my soft pillows. I snuggled up to my younger son and already began to apologize for the uneasiness I was about to unleash upon his little life. I fell asleep quickly and dreamed of trickling waterfalls and tall oak trees. The water nymph was knocking on the door to my heart and I silently, gracefully let her in.

Around 1 am I awoke to stronger and closer contractions. Still I felt no pain and into my mind came one simple verse … I WILL BIRTH IN PEACE … my mind sang and I held onto it as my mantra. I lit some candles and with each single flame I repeated it to myself reassuringly … I WILL BIRTH IN PEACE.

I called Kate and she quickly replied "Ok, we are on our way." I put on a cd and quietly swayed to the soft rhythms. My husband woke up and peered across the room. Little words needed to be spoken. He smiled brightly and told me he was going to try and catch just a little more sleep. The midwives arrived in the blink of an eye. It was a balmy night, not too bitterly cold with a hint of fog. I was thrilled to see them and felt protected, loved and secure. They set up their gear and chatted softly. They put on a pot of water to boil, which consequently set off the smoke alarm. Kate, being a woman of quick action, yanked it from the ceiling and continued with her business.

The waves began coming more quickly and soon I was breathing through each surge. I rocked on the birth ball and held tight to my mantra I WILL BIRTH IN PEACE. My husband came and rocked with me and held me as I surrendered in his strong knowing arms. We had done this before I assured myself, and surely we could make it through again, together. The contractions continued to rush over me and I made my way to the bathroom. I clung to the sink as one, two, three, four contractions slammed down on me. I felt doubt as I pondered the notion of continuing on for several more hours. It seemed that active labor had just begun. Surely birth could not be so close as to be able to reach out and touch it.

I stumbled back to the bedroom and dropped on my hands and knees as another one came. I rocked and moaned and with a burst my waters broke. In the light of the bathroom again I realized that it was dark and green and thick. I looked up at him with terror in my eyes. He tried to reassure me and I muttered "No. Meconium. Its not ok." At that Kate entered the room. She quickly, yet tenderly grabbed the Doppler and I felt such relief to hear the strong, solid blipblipblip of my baby's heartbeat. She reassured me that everything was ok and I remember specifically feeling such pride in her. How she had grown as a woman, a midwife and my friend since our last birth together 2 years earlier. Not an ounce of nervousness, not a single step missed. Kate went to scrub the green from the carpet and Merle came in to check on me. Unable to articulate, I simply nodded to the green. I was still scared and Merle gingerly looked into my eyes. "Is it ok?" I asked, almost not wanting to hear the answer. She smiled "yes. It's fine. The baby is right here. It's ok." and I believed her.

Kate stood up and announced, "If you son wants to be present for the birth we need to wake him NOW." and Dad went off to rouse him. I sat on the toilet and moaned and was afraid I might scare my little boy. He appeared in the doorway, half sleeping but glowing. I looked at him and gained courage from his certainty. His ear to ear grin was enough to know that I could do this.

Kate asked me to scoot forward off the toilet as the baby continued to descend. My husband came and sat behind me and held me up in a high squat. I leaned back into his might and surrendered. I WILL BIRTH IN PEACE. I yelled owowowowow and Kate took my hand. She locked eyes and gently commiserated. She affirmed my pain and it was nice to be acknowledged and supported. I felt the baby in the birth canal and pushed tentatively. The head emerged and I looked up to my oldest son, still beaming in the light. Everyone smiled as the baby turned to corkscrew its way down the passage. I pushed again, this time hard and strong. I pushed and out she slid, into loving hands.

I released my body back into dad's arms and he held me up as we all let out a collective sigh of joy. My baby was blue, but vibrant! Her cord was still short and Kate cradled her onto my belly. I gazed upon the round face and took the time to just relax and breathe. My son still stood proudly at the door, nearly bursting out if his skin. He grabbed the camera and took the first pictures of his new sibling.

Several minutes had passed and we didn't know if we had a boy baby or a girl baby, so my son came closer to make the announcement. Kate pulled back the blanket and much to my surprise … there was a YONI! Dad prompted son to check and he was excited to proclaim it was a girl. A BABY GIRL!

I made my way to the bed and pulled her close. She nuzzled at my breast but didn't latch on. She wasn't like her brothers in that regard. She was patient and gentle. I birthed the placenta and laid back with an energy buzzing through me. I had a girl baby! I watched her as she slowly made her transition to the earth side. She took her time and slowly unfolded her personality.

Everyone gathered around to examine her placenta home. Merle proudly held it up and Rachael came over to see it up close. It was brilliant and healthy. When the cord stopped pulsing, my son was ready to release her to the world. The cord was thick and rubbery and it took effort for his little hands to make the cut, yet he proudly proceeded. I laid with her by my side and soon she latched on tight for her first meal. I felt energetic and raw. This little tiny life was no longer mine, but all of ours. Before long I got up to shower and, petty as it may be, I felt ecstatic pride in my pearly clean bathroom! My bathtub! My home! My homebirth! A wondrous thing from such simple pleasures!

After I was cleaned up and cozy in my new flannel pjs, we came together once again to weigh her. A big girl she was - 8 lbs 1 oz. My tiny body had grown a healthy, hearty baby girl and birthed her without so much as a tiny tear. Everything was winding down and my younger son came stumbling into the room, blurry eyed and sleepy. He fell hopelessly into Rachael's arms (who was largely pregnant with her own baby girl) and looked up in confused horror when he realized it wasn't mama. Dad picked him up and carried him to me and we introduced him to his baby sister. He was disenchanted and unimpressed. He really just wanted to go back to bed. The midwives packed up and left as effortlessly as they had come. My family snuggled down together and went to sleep with smiles …

And so it was, the birth of my water nymph. A moment so simple and primitive, yet utterly complete. In that flash of time, that instance I had waited my entire life for, everything was perfect. My husband was with me holding me up. My first born son was smiling and full of love and admiration. My second born child was peaceful and serene. I was surrounded by a circle of loving, tender mother goddess women. I was strong and dazzling. And I had a daughter. A little girl to cherish and to teach all the wonders of the mother goddess ways. If only for that fleeting moment … I was whole … I was happy … I was blessed.

Write Your Birth Story!

  “Whenever and however you give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body, and your spirit for the rest of your life.”  Ina May Gaskin

As a woman who work with other women during all phases of the childbearing process, it becomes inevitable that I hear lots and lots of birth stories, from long time clients and stranger alike. Usually within 10 minutes of meeting me, most women who know my profession open up and start using words such as "vaginal" and "cervix" and bearing intimate details of the most intimate experience of their lives. And I don't even blink an eye. Why? Because words like that and situations like this have become quite commonplace in my world. And I love it. It is self evident through these experiences that women crave to be heard and understood on a deep and spiritual level. Motherhood as a whole has taught me that sharing stories is important and vital. I now realize that every mom has a story to tell, and if we allow a space for moms to tell their stories with openness and honesty, it greatly improves the outcome and circumstances for others.

Here’s the truth: Every. Single. Mother. on this big, glorious planet we share has a story. Some are serious. Some are embarrassing. Some are funny. Some are scary. Some are harmonious. Some are full of unpredictable twists and turns. Some went according to plan. Some were rude awakenings. But every woman has one. And every story matters.

And, here’s another truth: writing your story matters. Why? The act of putting your story into actual words can have a very therapeutic and cathartic effect on you. But, the benefits aren’t just for you. The following are reasons why you should write your birth story:

Write To Remember

Memories fade and especially so when sleepless nights and infant care are a part of your daily life. Taking the time to put your story into words as soon as possible will preserve details that your mind won’t recollect later. There's this funny thing that happens after we give birth: our minds selectively pick and choose details of the process to remember and usually its the smiles and the laughs and positive moments that stand out. I can almost promise, years from now, you won't remember the sensations of pain or the groans or the moans. (This is probably a self preservation mechanism to make sure we keep having babies!). Write it now. Write it soon. Write it before its gone.

Write To Educate

Every birth is different, but the more stories we hear, the more perspective we have and the more educated we are on what the possibilities of birth are. Tell your story not just for your own benefit, but for the benefit of others, so they can learn from your experience. I have come to realize just how important the stories we hear are, and how much impact and influence they can have over our lives. I’ve learned that if stories of c-sections are all a woman hears, she has a different perspective of birth than a woman who has been surrounded by women who believe in natural birth. Write to empower. Write to encourage. Write for diversity. Write so we can all understand each other better.

Write To Be A Gift

In writing our birth stories, these words are preserved for our children, their future spouse, our grandchildren and beyond. Maybe they'll appreciate it. Maybe they won't. Its there for them nonetheless. I know my children love to hear the accounts of when they were born. I think for most of us, hearing about how we entered the world gives us a sense of humanity, validation and grounding that is very palpable.

Write To Heal

Birth is a life-changing event in many ways. Regardless of how perfect or imperfect it was, reflecting on the experience gives you the ability to work through the events and emotions. Some will feel a great sense of empowerment from birth. Others will need time to work through negative emotions and memories of what happened. Writing a birth story allows a woman to organize her thoughts and gain a better perspective on her experience. It gives her the opportunity to release the story and heal.


So take a the time to write your birth story. Put away the inner critic, and write what comes out. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be honest and real and uniquely yours.

A Baby Moon Survival Guide – How to Make the Most of Your Postpartum Period

Making the transition from pregnancy to family is a time of immense joy, but it also comes with change and uncertainty. From the time the positive line shows up on the test, many women spend their energy preparing for the birth process – which is great. But the delicate nature of the postpartum time is often overlooked. This can lead to many families feeling overwhelmed and unprepared. Taking the time to plan for a peaceful Baby Moon allows mama and baby the space and time to bond and heal. This creates the most positive and healthy start for budding families.

• Plan to stay in bed for 7–10 days after the birth; the longer you rest now, the sooner you will

recover. The rest of the world can wait! Overdoing it after birth can lead to increased postpartum depression and anxiety, infection, breastfeeding problems and more. The very best way we can care for of our newborns is to ensure we are caring for ourselves. As tempting as it maybe to jump right in and conquer the world, allowing yourself the space to heal is imperative.


• Be sure to get good nutrition, plenty of fluids and adequate rest (sleep when the baby sleeps).

• Arrange for lots of help: hire a postpartum doula or baby nurse, ask your mother, father, mother-in-law, sister, brother, or friends to pitch in. Allow yourself to be cared for while you and your partner attend to the baby.

• Identify and ask for the things you need. Most of the people surrounding you are eager and willing to help out, but they can't read your mind. Be open and honest. Accept the kindness of others. Now is not a time to be humble but rather gracious. (Remember, you can always pay it forward later.)

• Accept and express both positive and negative feelings. Emotions are the threads that make up the fabric of human existence. We all have a range of feelings, and our negative thoughts do not make us bad people. Expressing these feelings is important; its much easier to process them and release them when we are not afraid of them.

• Talk with your partner about the changes you are both going through. This is a journey you are traveling together.

• Ease into new routines—let the baby lead the way. Trying to force a newborn into an adult schedule from birth can be frustrating at best, and dangerous at worst. Allow your family ample time to grow and adjust to your new life together. There is no rush. You are all learning together. That takes time and patience.

• Keep expectations realistic: newborns “only” sleep, eat, and poop, but they do it every

hour; it takes more time and energy than most people realize.

• Take time for yourself: a warm bath, a nature walk, a good book, meditation, listening

to music, talking with a friend—whatever you find rejuvenating. The more you nurture yourself, the more of yourself you'll have available to care for your newborn.

• Give yourself credit; mothering is a difficult job, and it takes time to find your rhythm. Mindfully acknowledge the progress you make, the milestones you conquer, the little victories of everyday life. Ignore mommy war propaganda, follow your instinct and listen to your heart. No one knows your family and your baby better than you. Trust yourself.

• Hook up with both new and experienced parents for support, guidance, and feedback. Parenting groups, Baby and Me exercise classes and La Leche League are all good places to find other new moms with similar interests.

• Where possible, postpone other major life changes, like moving or changing jobs.

Why hire a Postpartum Doula?

“Postpartum Doulas are the best thing since … sliced bread, ice cream, velcro, you name it. They are the angels who sweep into your home when you’re bleary-eyed, sleep deprived and need someone to talk to when you’re home from the hospital trying to figure it all out.”

A Birth Doula is an important member of the support team during labor and birth, but do you know the value and benefits offered by Postpartum Doula services? Moms who use Postpartum Doulas insist they are more than worth the money.

A Postpartum Doula will provide non-medical support for educational, emotional and practical needs following childbirth or adoption, in your home. This professional (typically a woman) is a non-judgmental support person, and services can include the following as needed: care for mother’s postpartum body; assistance with breastfeeding; newborn care (diapering, bathing, etc); infant massage techniques; assistance with siblings; support for mother’s normal adjustment to the parenting process; running errands, meal planning, cooking and dishwashing; doing laundry, emptying trash and other light housework. The Postpartum Doula assists with transitions that accompany a newborn being welcomed into a family, and she works beside the family to foster confidence and knowledge during that special time. Each family must make informed decisions based on what works best for them, and the Postpartum Doula is there to support those family decisions in the process.

Here are some of the many important ways a Postpartum Doula can help:

1.  A Variety of Services

The role of a Postpartum Doula is multi-dimensional. She comes to your home and works where she is needed, according to your needs and the needs of your new family. Not only can she provide direct support for the new mom and family on topics such as breastfeeding, newborn care and babywearing, she can also tend to light housework, meal planning and other daily chores while the new parents get precious bonding time with their baby. She’s flexible and compassionate; she knows when to jump in and when to back away.

2. Mothering the New Mom

After a baby is born, the focus of everyone around often shifts to the baby, which can leave the new mom feeling lonely or unsupported. A Postpartum Doula can help "mother the new mom" by ensuring she is well fed and hydrated, and can be on hand to help fetch needed supplies or run interference if the new mom needs to rest.  She provides emotional support, a tender touch and a listening ear as a women navigates this completely new experience.  She can provide guidance when mom has questions or concerns about her ever changing body, offering insights about what is normal and to be expected.

"I honor birth stories, I shoulder anger, I dissolve guilt and fear. I do not judge and I do not try to do things my way. I teach, but I don’t give advice unless asked. I am a humble servant, I am a secret keeper, I am a baby burper. I am a mother to the mother."  Jen Rognerud

3.  Breastfeeding Support

If you don’t have a lactation consultant, having a Postpartum Doula in the early days can be extremely valuable. A Postpartum Doula knows basic information on breastfeeding, to guide mothers through the challenges. She also has referrals to other professionals who can help with problem solving beyond her practical knowledge.  It is important to get breastfeeding off to a good start just after the baby is born. It is important to address questions as early as possible, and the Postpartum Doula is there to support the family during this process. She can help with feeding charts if the pediatrician needs to see progress, as well as give instructions for nipple shields, positioning, latching and breast pumps.  She can also give nutritional suggestions to increase milk supply. She can help mother rest and have adequate time with her baby to not feel rushed.

4.  Emotional Support
Postpartum Doulas can serve as a sounding board for the new mother and can really help her work through her thoughts and feelings during the early weeks with a new little one. Statistics show that Postpartum Doulas help reduce the risk of postpartum depression.  When a mother feels supported, understood and cared for, it provides her the best opportunity to thrive in her new role.

5.  Overnight Care
Sleep.  Sweet, precious, glorious sleep. Unfortunately you can’t bank sleep and use it for when you really need it (wouldn’t that be nice!?) But the good news - you can have a Postpartum Doula step in when you really need it, and for a lot of people that is at night.  When parents are completely run down and overtired, the whole world seems more overwhelming.  A Postpartum Doula can provide night time care for baby to allow parents a full nights rest.


5.  Doulas and Extended Family Members

Do you need a Doula if you have lots of family nearby?  The answer probably depends on your family and the level of support and care they offer you.  Not everyone has a mother they can trust to come over, pitch in and help out—without the added commentary on how she’d do it differently if she were you. One of the things new parents most appreciate about Doulas is the complete lack of pretense; the Doula is there to help you and support you, not to change your views or parenting style and impose her own system of ethics. Because your Doula doesn’t have an emotional investment in the way you desire to parent your newborn, she is a help to the process, rather than a hurdle.

However, Doulas are not just for women with especially vocal mothers and mothers-in-law! Perhaps you would rather let mom do the fun grandma things like helping to entertain your visitors and taking care of older siblings, and then allow your Doula to handle the mundane chores and basic operations of a household. Doulas don’t usurp the role of family members in supporting a mother at this special time, rather they are advocates, making sure mom’s needs get handled in the midst of the new baby chaos. Said one doula, “The best thing I can do is to be quietly present. To take care of “things”, while mom is learning her new role.”

6.  Babywearing Support

Today's baby carrier market has skyrocketed since days of old and the choices can be stagger.  Your Postpartum Doula can help you navigate these choices, choose the carrier that is right for your family, discuss the important benefits of babywearing and train you in the different techniques used with today's popular carriers.



Both a birth doula and a postpartum doula are worth their weight in gold, and the support they provide is unlike any you’ll find anywhere else. If you’ve chosen to hire one, know that it’s money well spent so you can recover from birth and get to know your baby in peace and solitude.

Harmony at Home offers Postpartum Doula services in the greater Philadelphia area.  

Visit www.harmonyathome.net  for more information.

Learning Infant Communication 0-3 months

"Babies are such a nice way to start people."  ~ Don Herrold

The first three months of an infant's life are all about learning to feel comfortable, safe, and secure in the world. By responding to their signals and providing lots of love and comfort, we help them form trusting bonds with the people who surround them. How are you helping your baby learn to feel safe and secure?

A Baby's Point of View:
I am getting to know you and the other people who love and care for me.
• I can recognize your faces, voices, and smells.
• I respond to your smile and touch with pleasure.

What You Can Do:
•Talk and sing to your baby. This makes him feel loved and helps him bond with you.
•Hold your baby! Enjoy some skin-to-skin cuddle time with your little one, practice babywearing, share in daily activities (such as bath time).  Allow your baby to be part of the everyday rhythm of life.
•Make eye contact with your baby.
•Touch is magic!  Infant massage is a wonderful bonding tool for you and your infant.

A Baby's Point of View:
I am learning how to “tell” you what I need.
• I can use my sounds, facial expressions, and body movements to tell you how I’m feeling—
sleepy, hungry, happy, or uncomfortable.
• I can show you when I want to play and when I need a break.

What You Can Do:
•Watch your baby to learn her signals.
•Babies can "speak" to us in a variety of different ways.  Does she have different cries when she is hungry, tired, overwhelmed, etc? Does she rub her eyes or look away from you when she is tired?
•Understand that an infant's emotions are fleeting!  What a gift they have to live in the present moment and change their feelings.  Pleasant distractions such as songs, toys and  laughing can buy you time to gather diaper supplies or set up your nursing station.  Don't panic when your baby cries.  The more you stay calm and present, the more your baby will trust that her needs will be met.
•Respond to your baby’s signals. When her eyes are bright and she is awake and alert, it is time to play.  Follow your baby's cues throughout the day, instead of trying to force her to meet a grown-up schedule (she just doesn't understand!).  Relax and enjoy this time of spontaneous interactions and unstructured living.  I promise you it will not last forever!
•Slow things down when she cries, turns away, or arches her back.  Dim lights, soft music, hushing, rocking and other movements can help create a soothing atmosphere.

A Baby's Point of View:
I am beginning to use my body to make things happen.
• I can grip your finger or a toy you put in my hand.
• When I am hungry, I might move my head toward my mother’s breast while rooting and sucking.

What You Can Do:
•Give your baby something to reach for and hold onto—a finger or toy. Let him touch objects with different textures and shapes.
•Go for walks throughout the house and point out different objects and views to your infant.  Look out the window together, touch soft pillows and other objects, admire colorful artwork.  Help your baby understand her home as her safe environment full of wonder and surprises!
•Hold a toy within your child’s reach so he can swat it with his hands or feet.
•Watch to see how your baby is “discovering” his body. Does he look at his hands, suck on his feet, or try to roll?

A Baby's Point of View:
We are becoming closer and closer every day.
• I am learning to trust that you will read and respond to my signals and help me grow in the world.
• I rely on you to comfort me, care for me and keep me safe. This helps me learn to comfort myself.

What You Can Do:
•Comfort your baby whenever she cries!
•You CAN NOT spoil a baby. Soothing actions makes her feel safe, secure, and loved.  Even as adults, we appreciate love and affection when we feel ungrounded.  Just as a hug from a trusted friend can mean the world to us in our times of need, so it is true for infants as well.  Babies need constant touch, comfort and love.  There is no other way around it.
•You can help your baby begin to calm herself by guiding her fingers to her mouth, giving her a pacifier, or offering her a blanket or soft object that is special to her.
•Sometimes no matter how we try to sooth our baby, they may remain inconsolable.  This may be an emotional release and it is important for her to know that you are still there with her.  Keep a calming and constant presence.

SPOTLIGHT:  Crying Like a Baby

"It is such a secret place, the land of tears." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

• Crying, as hard as it is to hear, is a normal way babies communicate hunger, discomfort, distress, or a need for your attention.  Crying also serves other important needs such as tension relief and growth.

• Most newborns cry for an average of three hours per day and reach a crying peak at about 6 weeks. Then their crying starts to decrease. By 3 months they typically cry for about an hour a day.

• Being with a crying baby who is hard to soothe can be exhausting, stressful, and frustrating. But keep in mind that just by being there— holding and comforting your baby—you are teaching him that he is not alone and that you will stick by him through thick and thin.

•Babies cry because they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable or irritated.  If you have tried all the obvious comfort measures (feeding, diaper change, etc), check to make sure your infant is not too hot/too cold, pinched (in a strap from carseat, etc), stressed or overstimulated, lonely or bored.  Babies will also pick up on tension and friction within a household.  Although this can be a stressful time for the whole family, it is important to keep an atmosphere of calm.  This will benefit everyone, not just baby!

• While all babies cry, some babies cry much more than others. This is known as colic and it’s defined as crying that:
begins and ends for no obvious reason
 lasts at least 3 hours a day
happens at least 3 days a week
continues for 3 weeks to 3 months

What You Can Do:
•Talk with your health care provider. Excessive crying may have a medical cause—a food sensitivity, heartburn, or other physical condition.

•Holding your baby more! Some babies cry less when they are held more.  Invest in a good baby carrier (or several).  Allow your baby to be part of the normal rhythm of household life.

•Wrap your baby snugly in a blanket—called “swaddling”—and rock her gently.  Practice different swaddle techniques and styles and find what works best for you and your baby.

•Use soothing sounds. Talk or sing softly to your baby. Try running a fan or humidifier in your baby’s room. Sometimes babies are soothed by this background noise.

•Reduce stimulation—lights, sights, sounds, and textures— for your baby. Sometimes less stimulation leads to  less crying for babies with colic.

• Remember your baby is an individual person with her own needs and wants.  Listen to your baby's cues and respond accordingly.  Don't try to make her be what you want her to be, and don't expect this baby to be the same as older children.  Baby care is a fine art and all babies are different!

•Reach out for support. Hire a postpartum doula or baby nurse!  They are experts in baby care and can help you navigate this precious, yet overwhelming time.  Extended families and friends may be able to step in to give you a needed break as well. Everyone needs support, and nobody needs it more than the parents of a crying baby.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.

•Stay calm. When you’re calm, it helps your baby calm down.  If you find yourself feeling frustrated, put your baby on his back in a safe place—like the crib—and take a short break. Crying won’t hurt your baby, and taking a break will let you soothe another very important person…you!

•Don’t give up. Soothing your baby is a trial-and-error process. If one strategy doesn’t work, try another. If all else fails, take a drive in the car.

•Hang in there, and remember that the crying will get better.  This time will not last forever.

What are some things you can do to soothe yourself after a tough day?  

•Remember to take care of yourself! Did you know babies whose mothers reported high stress cried and fussed more than babies whose mothers reported little stress?

•Even very young babies pick up on how their loved ones are feeling. When you are calm and relaxed, your baby is more likely to feel calm.

•When you are feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, your baby is more likely to feel tense. So in order to take good care of your baby, it’s really important that you take good care of yourself.

•Ask your doula, trusted friends and family members for help when you need a break!

•Make time to do things that make you feel good.  Just taking the time to bathe, brush your teeth and change your clothes can give you a whole new perspective on the day!  Remember to eat healthy foods and stay hydrated.  Take a walk with your baby and visit with friends.

•Be sure to talk to a trusted health care provider if you are feeling down,depressed, or overwhelmed.

Maternity leave in America

Today I want to address the dire state of maternity leave in America.  It just plain sucks.  Mamas should not have to leave their babies at 6 weeks or 8 weeks (if they are lucky enough to have a full time job that provides them that).  It is, in my opinion an epidemic of sorts.  A cruel and barbaric system that creates detatched children who grow into hurting adults.

Don't get me wrong here.  I will never judge a woman who goes back to work because I know, we all gotta pay the bills.  Its never easy.  Not for most of us.  And I give props to all the exhausted women out there who find a way to make it work.  All the women who love their babies hard on the in between times and who help these children grow.  I'm not judging you.

But as a society, I feel we are dangerously balanced on a foundation of seperation.  If you want to create a better world, a more peaceful world, a more balanced world ... start fighting for maternity leave.  Start protesting that.  Get angry.  Write your congressman.

Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm not but I tell you this ... there would probably be a lot less people in the world who would feel compelled to do crappy things if they all got a little more mama love.  I think, on a very basic level, so many of the problems we face as a nation would be diminished if we truly cared for mamas and babies.  And I don't mean just throwing her a fancy baby shower.  I mean real, true honest to god SUPPORT.

This whole business of making people - its freaking hard.  I'm not gonna lie.  Its work.  It drains you.  And its made a thousand times worse by a society that does not value the benefits of mother-infant connection.  That fails to nurture this important time as deeply human and necessary.  So we end up with adults who spend their entire lives longing for SOMETHING ... something they can't quite put their finger on but they desperately know they need.  SOMETHING unattainable.  SOMETHING to fill them up.  SOMETHING that they'll never find because its already long gone.  MAMA LOVE.

I'm not saying that you can't give your child enough mama love if you go back to work.  Please don't get me wrong.  I have seen many women pull it off.  Amazing and strong women with pure lovely fairy children.  Its not impossible.  But I don't know why our culture need to make it so hard to accomplish it.  I don't know why its not NORMAL.  That's all I'm saying.

The Birth of a Belly Cast